A Change of Heart
by whimsical-nightmares
Summary: Through the couple's confession, wedding, and an announcement, can Kenshin finally let go of his past? Can he look towards his future? A short drabble consisting mostly of Kenshin's feelings and inner demons.


While writing the ninth chapter for my other story, this idea rolled through my mind and I decided to write it down. I elaborated it and voilá, my first drabble. Please enjoy ^^

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When Kaoru had asked to speak to him privately one day, a confession was the furthest thought from his mind.

There was no way that this open-minded, strong, and beautiful girl who he has placed in numerous dangerous situations would love him back. It was unthinkable. Yet there she was, standing in front of him on the street where they first met, confessing her love for him. Kenshin thought it was one of his sick dreams, ones that stemmed from his hopes and desires. But when he looked into her blue eyes, it finally clicked that this was _real_. Kaoru loves him back.

A mix of emotions overran his heart after his realization and at first, Kenshin tried to convince her that he's not right for her. He was an unworthy soul for her love… no, even worse; he was the legendary Battousai, a ruthless manslayer. There was no way she could attain true happiness with a killer such as him.

Kaoru, being as stubborn as she was, rejected his judgment. "Kenshin, I don't want to hear any of that. Please, just tell me how you really feel about me."

He knew that he should've lied and said he didn't have any feelings for her. He should've rejected her so that she can find someone who's truly worthy of her and can give her more happiness than he can. But could he stand to see her in someone else's arms? Could he withstand the disappointment he would see on her face? Could he possibly _lie_ to her? Truthfully, he couldn't and he admitted it. He loved her.

"Kaoru-dono… About you, I…" he took a deep breath, "I think you are the most beautiful person I've ever met. I… I love you."

xxxXxxx

When the news was spread to their friends, a wedding was quickly planned for them. Even though they had wanted a small and quiet ceremony, Misao thought otherwise and self appointed herself as the head manager of their wedding. Everyone gave their support. Thus, Kenshin and Kaoru soon became husband and wife under the eyes of all their friends.

However, as dream-like as this moment was for Kenshin, he could feel a gnawing at his conscience. 'How could you tie down this girl to someone as revolting as yourself? Are you even ready to move on? Don't tell me this is how you atone for sins… marrying someone so young and with so much potential to change the ideals of the Meiji.' It gave him a headache. He knew what he was doing was wrong and he just prayed that what happened to Tomoe as a result of his actions and feelings would not happen to Kaoru. He should be the one to pay for his sins; only him and no one else.

Although Kenshin was feeling nauseous about himself, he could not let it hinder their wedding. Kaoru looked absolutely blissful and he would not allow anything to cause her pain and sorrow.

After the ceremony and the secretly thrown after party that lasted until sunset, Kenshin and Kaoru were finally alone as a newly wedded couple. They sat on the porch, watching the blue sky streak with hues of pinks and purples and then turn a glittering black as the sun disappeared below the horizon. Kaoru was completely content, but Kenshin's heart was in turmoil. It wouldn't be long until _that_ would happen. As much as he desired it, it would cause him to fall deeper into damnation. He could not take Kaoru's innocence.

"Kenshin… Let's go inside. It's starting to get cold." By the sound of her voice, he could tell that she was nervous. Kaoru was anticipating the event that was going to come tonight. When they entered their room, Kenshin had to tell her how he felt about this before it got out of hand and she ends up hurt.

"Kaoru…" The new way he said her name made his heart beat faster in a pleasant way, "I don't think I…"

Kaoru cut him off with her hand. "Wait, Kenshin. Can you listen to a selfish request of mine first?" Kenshin hesitated for a moment, but agreed in the end. "Thank you. I promise it's just this once," she took a breath, "I know you still can't let go of it yet. I felt it all throughout the last few months. But, is it possible, to let it go for just this one night? I want to be able to heal you, too. Not physically, but emotionally."

"Kaoru… Thank you," he whispered sincerely. He took her hand, placed it over his cross-shaped scar, and closed his eyes. "I'll listen and agree to all the selfish requests you have. I'm just so afraid that I might hurt you and to take away your innocence… I can't do that. I'm too tainted to accept it."

Kaoru walked closer to him until their torsos touched; she rested her head on his shoulder. "I understand. But…Kenshin, I don't think you're tainted anymore. You've atoned for your sins. You're allowed to move on."

"Can I… really?" He pulled her back until he can see her face. There were tears on the edge of her eyes.

"Of course, and I'll be with you every step of the way." And then, they kissed. Although it was just a simple touch of the lips, something in Kenshin changed. His heart slowly began to unwind itself of the grief it's been trapped in and he no longer felt scared. He felt… different after this kiss. Sure, the couple has snuck a few here and there during their daily lives that made him yearn for a little more, but this one set his insides on fire. He kissed her again, taking Kaoru by surprise (since she thought they were going to stop), and the fire raged on. Kenshin's mind became blank and all that mattered was the girl in his arms. He would forget everything about his past and stop worrying about the future and just for tonight, he would live in the present with his new wife.

Realizing what had happened; Kaoru gave a relieved sigh as tears began to form. Kenshin is finally starting to let go! He can move on! She was so happy for him that no words could possibly describe what she's feeling right now. She clung onto him and wept.

"Kaoru? What's wrong? Did I hurt you?!" Kenshin asked in fright.

"No… I'm not hurt Kenshin. I'm just so happy." He smiled and pulled her into an embrace while whispering 'I love you' over and over again. He laid her down on the prepared futon and placed sweet kisses down her jaw. Kenshin almost cried during their love making in the pale moonlight. He experienced emotions he's never felt before and he couldn't be more grateful to the Gods that they allowed him to be with Kaoru. However, when morning rolled around and he woke up next to his sleeping wife, his old self tugged at his conscience. He did it. He took her innocence and tainted her. Kenshin felt like punching himself and crying his heart out for her; but he wouldn't ruin this wondrous morning. He'd just need to keep the tears locked in his heart.

xxxXxxx

A few weeks later when Megumi declared Kaoru pregnant to the couple did Kenshin cry. The doctor left them to rejoice in the news and Kenshin shamelessly wept in his wife's arms. However, it was a cry of grief. What had he done? He, the unworthy killer who is still atoning for his sins, not only tied down this wonderful girl, but even impregnated her! Everything around him swirled and he screamed in agony. It had to be a dream. Soon enough, the warmth he feels in his chest and around him will disappear and he'll wake up cold and alone in the treetops. The fragrant smell of her jasmine will be washed away by the smell of blood and rotting flesh. Battle cries and pained screams will replace the soft, relaxing murmurs coming from this girl. His light waist will once again carry the sinful burden that continuously weighs him down. He didn't want to return to that reality; he couldn't go through the pain of taking someone's life and becoming a monster again. Kenshin held onto Kaoru for dear life, savoring every second they were in this embrace. Only when he calmed down did he look up at Kaoru; he could tell that she had felt his agony through her tear-rimmed eyes. She smiled gently at him and took his face in her hands. "It's alright, Kenshin. You can be happy too," she whispered.

And then, he cried again.

It was a cry of joy. He held onto her hands and placed light, feathery kisses on them. This wasn't a dream. This was reality. He had a promise of a future and she had given it to him. Kenshin had always thought that he would need to continue to atone for his sins until his lonely demise, but the Gods thought otherwise. The Gods allowed him to be with Kaoru and start a family. A _family_! It was something that he never imagined he could have in this lifetime. Looking into Kaoru's eyes, he saw love. Love for him, despite his unforgiving past, and love for their child. Kenshin took Kaoru into his arms and kissed her. The heavy blanket of guilt was finally lifted off of him and he was healed. The old scars, his emotional and mental trauma, the blood his hands always seemed to feel, everything became fresh and clean. He could let go of his history and start a future. He can live in the present and feel at peace. He no longer needed to wield his sword and stay awake during the night.

He stopped kissing Kaoru and leaned his forehead into hers. "Thank you, Kaoru. Thank you," he whispered again and again; his tears continued to flow, but they were tears of pure joy.

Kaoru gently took his face into her hands and slowly tilted it up until their lips met. She kissed him softly once, twice, and then asked him, "Does this mean… you're ready?"

He cupped her hand that was still holding his cheek and replied, "Yes, Kaoru. I am."

Kenshin can finally, and truly, move forward.

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So… how did you like it? Please tell me in the reviews! I have other ideas similar to these, but I'm a little afraid it might be too cheesy. Thank you for reading!


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